Stories about hope

This is dedicated to my “extra mom’s”, my sisters, my friends who through my younger days were the ones who helped a lonely little girl find her path to hope.

If God showed us a timeline of everything that would happen in our lives, we would most assuredly panic and start bargaining with Him to rewrite the path ahead of us. 

In no way, shape or form would we ever think we could survive such difficult circumstances. 

Death of a loved one, infidelity by a spouse, the loss of every material possession we own.

 It’s more than our finite minds can even begin to fathom. 

And because of that, He doesn’t show us. 

Instead, He gives us the grace we need to get through these things as they come. 

“My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9a

Ever been to the place of life-altering change within a matter of hours or minutes? 

You’re going about your day, doing your daily routine, clearly expecting to find what you normally find on that day, and then BAM! 

Nothing is the same and everything is different.

The phone call: “Darrell you need to be admitted to the hospital today, your heart is very sick. “

What do you when it all hits the fan? 

You cling to Jesus. 

As Corrie Ten Boom said, “You don’t know that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have.”

When dealing with sorrow, hardship or pain the first thing to do is to pour it out to God. 

He knows – he’s with you – but cry out to him. 

When we found out that Darrell was sick. I didn’t cry because I was in shock. 

I just took a punch to the gut. I was numb. 

As the days passed and the reality of his condition came to light. I began to question God.

“Are you really going to allow this?”

The first emotion I felt was fear & I the second was anger. I was honest with my Father. I didn’t like this hand I was dealt. I spent my entire life feeling abandoned. First my father died, then my mom got sick. I took on grown up responsibility as a kid. I dealt with self-esteem issues, performance issues, expectations, sorrow. I had to be the peacemaker, I had to be a grown up before I was even a teenager. 

I bought groceries for the family driving the family station wagon to the grocery store and writing checks at 14. I felt tremendous pressure. I had to provide. I had to cook and clean, I had to take care of everyone. Every grown-up responsibility felt like it was squarely on my shoulders. Now here I was as an adult feeling those same feelings all over again.

Why couldn’t life just be easy for once?

My fear and anger were followed by confusion. I didn’t know what to do. I quickly decided to try to keep things as normal as possible, so our boys had some stability. 

Although I was facing a mountain of doubt, I didn’t want to put my boys through what I went through as a child. I had to be the adult. The kind of person I needed as a child. 

“We will go to church like normal, we will go to school as normal, we will follow our routine and I will be fine” 

I didn’t feel like worshipping at all. But I needed to try, at least. 

As Sundays came and went, I got myself out of bed, got dressed, got my boys up, made sure Darrell was good for the few hours we were gone, and drove to church.. 

For the first month or so it was just me and the boys.  I stood in the front few rows on the far-left, I would turn my back to the congregation and facing the wall, I worshipped. Actually, I cried more than worshipped and it was messy. 

I am a messy crier.  My mom used to call me a “Blubber face” Nice, right? But she was more right than wrong. I’m still and ugly crier. When I feel the tears coming, I sort of contort my face, hold my breath, turn red, and then it’s an avalanche. 

I bawled most of the time, I felt helpless and hopeless and fearful. I told God all about it. 

And then, I listened to the word. I did this for several weeks – alone. Alone, in my thoughts, alone in my fears. Or so I thought.  

I have made some very close friends in every church I had attended over the years.  This church was no exception. My sweet sisters in the LORD would come and stand around me and hand me tissues. 

They were like little bodyguards – setting up a safe zone from the watchful eyes of the congregation. 

Somehow, they understood I needed to be alone with Jesus. 

When service was over and I was ready, they mopped me up told me to straighten my shoulders and sent me out to pick up my kids from Children’s ministry. Or better yet, they would bring my little boys to me as I sat in my seat, soaking in the peace that my church offered.  No questions asked. They just knew what I needed. 

When it all falls apart, we need the body of Christ – we need to BE the body of Christ – taking up our shield for each other and protecting each other from the enemy’s fiery arrows. 

I had learned this powerful lesson over my years as a Christian. Everyone needs “Jesus with skin on” 

I have heard a story that really drives this point home. 

“A little boy was frightened one night during a big thunderstorm. Terrified, he called out from his room, 

‘Daddy, I’m scared!’ 

His father, not wanting to get out of bed, called back, 

‘Don’t worry, son. God loves you and will take care of you.’

There was a moment of silence. Then the little boy said, 

‘I know God loves me, but right now, I need somebody who has skin on’. 

I am so thankful that although I didn’t have an earthly father for very long. I knew he loved me. And he was there for me for as long as he could be. 

Later in life, my earthly father was replaced by extra Dad’s, extra Mom’s, and the best friends I could ever ask for. My Jesus, with skin on. 

“And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.”

            Ecclesiastes 4:12

We are not designed to walk life alone – we need the body of Christ. When the rubber hits the road and things get hard. We need each other. 

Consider this verse, 

“For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans for good and not for evil – plans to give you a future and a hope. “

You may well know Jeremiah 29:11. It’s been quoted to me every time something tragic happens. 

Your Dad dies? 

“For I know the plans”

Your mom sick? 

“Plans I have for you”

Your family in turmoil? 

“Plans for good, Says the LORD”

Your house is threatened by fires?

“Plans FOR GOOD And not for evil”

Your friend betrays you? 

“Plans to give you a future”

When your husband gets sick, and you are pregnant with your surprise child – Your sister dies? 

“A FUTURE And a hope. “

Your friend dies leaving his precious young family alone.

HOPE? How is this good?

In earthly terms, there are things that happen that are not good. Things that are really bad, really evil, really dark. 

I have come to a point in my faith that I can see the trials, the tests, the terrible circumstances and (after ugly crying), I am able to say in my heart of hearts that God is always up to something.

I love the book “The Lion, Witch & the Wardrobe” by C.S. Lewis. 

I’m not sure if it’s in the pages of the book or in the onscreen adaptation where Mr. Beaver tells the four Pevensie children,

            “Aslan is on the Move”  

Aslan in this Allegory is a type of Christ. He is the king of the mystical land “Narnia” and he sacrifices his life to break the curse on Edmond. He is resurrected, and defeats the White Witch, restoring the land. 

If you haven’t read these books – who hasn’t read them, but in case you haven’t, you should. Back to what I was saying before I ran off on that train of thought. 

God is always working. Like a master craftsman – he is weaving a tapestry of our lives – we can’t see what he sees. From our view here on earth, we see the back of the tapestry. It is a hot mess. 

It makes no sense. 

However, He is busy at work – placing vibrant colors, shadows, outlines -stitch by stitch – thread by thread 

The view He has of your life is quite different – He sees the big picture, his beautiful creation that is developing. 

We need to be patient He isn’t finished. 

It isn’t easy, I try to be patient. I wish I could see the end of the movie that I am starring in. I really don’t like it right now. 

While I wait, I remind myself It’s ok to say, “How is this good?”

 It’s ok to say “I don’t really like what you are doing at this moment” 

My Pastor has a saying that I have on repeat in my mind. 

“He is still God; He is still good, and He is still governing your life 

He has a good plan – trust it.

The best part of that plan is the people He puts in your life. Who would know this better than me? I have a handful of friends that are on speed dial. Day or night, they answer when I call. 

My ride or die friends. 

My story, although it includes hard losses, also includes memories of adventures & laughter & goodness. 

The people I spent time with as an little girl are today an overwhelming reminder of the faithfulness of God through a group of people called “The Church”.

Mrs. Layton was my Kindergarten Sunday School teacher, she introduced me to Jesus. The most important relationship of my life.  Mr. & Mrs. Layton’s home was one of my safe places when the storm at my house was raging. Their daughter Julie is one of my best friends. 

In first grade I met Mrs. Tracy. Another Sunday school teacher. 

She taught me about Jesus. 

Both women were moms. And maybe their “mom heart” was soft toward the little red-haired girl. Over the years they became extra moms to me. 

Bonus. They had daughters.

I met Kim when I was in the Cherub Choir. We wore these little white poncho type robes that had giant blue bows that fastened around our little necks. We sang together, songs we learned in Sunday School. As we grew up, we joined Bell Choir, Junior High Choir and High School choir. 

Our High School Choir would tour together. The two of us would sit together on the bus and talk about everything. We would laugh, more me than her because Kim has a witty sense of humor. Everything was funny, everything was joyful. Everything had a bright side. She’s the most optimistic person I have ever met. She is also the kindest person I have ever met. That is until I met the man that would become her husband. My BFF-In-law. 

On one Choir Tour there was a handsome guy with glorious blue eyes. He was older than us by 6 years, but Kim was quite smitten with him. The only problem was getting his attention. 

Kim with equally glorious blue eyes (maybe bluer) was also very reserved and didn’t throw herself at a guy no matter how handsome she thought he was. So here is where I would like to take full credit for them later becoming an item. 

Kim cut her finger; he just happened to be an EMT. I ran over and shouted, 

“Aren’t you a paramedic or something?”

“My friend cut her finger; we need help”. 

As he put the band aid on her tiny little cut I was giggling inside. My work here was done. It was finished that second. They fell in love and got married and have been a rock to me, a voice of reason, full of care and concern for me when I am hurting. 

Kim and I have been friends almost as long as I have been alive. That’s the kind of friend that God gives. The kind of friend who knows everything about you. Tells you when you are making mistakes, cheers for you when you are winning and loves you no matter what. 

Kim is the Ethel to my Lucy. 

And then there was Julie. 

Julie was cool. 

She had the Farrah Fawcett layered cut, the cool jeans, the Vans tennis shoes. She was tan and has the most beautiful smile.  

Every Wednesday, she, and her equally cool friend Susan, would sit on the counter in the girl’s bathroom at church fluffing their newly permed hair and talking. 

They intimidated the heck out of me back then. God knew I needed them. First Julie and later Susan. The cool chicks. My chicks. Julie has a heart of gold.  I didn’t know this at first but as we spent more time together, I learned she was the kind of friend you want in a fight. 

She had your back. She kept your secrets. 

There were many times that Julie would take my face in her hands, look me in the eye and say;

“Get your eyes off yourself and put them on the Lord.” 

And then she would give me chocolate. Well, not always, but chocolate was a big part of our friendship. 

When life was hard and I wasn’t able to deal with what was happening in my house, I would walk down the hill to her house. I always felt safe there. 

We had some adventures together. I’m not sure I would want my kids doing the crazy things we did. I’m so thankful that I had a friend who was a little daredevil and helped me come out of my awkward shell and have fun. I needed fun. 

Julie was fearless. She stood up to my “giants” and told them to back off. 

There was a time when I was told that I couldn’t go to Youth Camp unless I mowed, weeded, and cleaned the entire back yard. It was an all-weekend kind of thing. 

Of course, Julie decided that I HAD to go to camp, and not only did she come to help, but She also brought people from church and together we got it done. 

She was my favorite lunch buddy at school. She kept me sane. We would spend hours laying by her pool, walking around the mall, hanging out at the beach. Or going for crazy off-road adventures in our mustangs. 

I was always able relax. My friend loved me. I didn’t have to do anything more than just have fun. 

Kim & Julie, and my church family were Jesus with Skin on. 

And then there were my High School Youth Pastors & Youth Leaders. 

They counseled me, corrected me. They were life coaches and took us on adventures.  Zuma Beach, Toilet papering, Kidnap Breakfasts. And Camping. 

Enter the Colgate Toothpaste incident

In addition to canoeing and camping on the Colorado River, we camped at McGrath State Beach.

As I said before, I don’t have melanin. Although I put sunscreen on, I still got easily sunburned. One year while on the McGrath trip I got a terrible sunburn.

As I was walking to the bathrooms, carrying my toiletries – specifically Colgate Toothpaste; My Youth Pastor, Rick, stopped me and said, 

“Did you know Colgate Toothpaste stops sunburn pain?”

Next to him was my other Youth Pastor, Mark. As I looked at Mark he was nodding in firm agreement. 

            “Oh yes, yes it does”. 

I completely doubted their medical advice in that moment. But then they turned to their wives who emphatically agreed with them. I began to wonder if perhaps they were telling me the truth and not trying to pull the wool over my eyes like they had a number of times before. 

So when Nancy and Kathy agreed with this SOUND medical advice I was still cautious, but Nancy and Kathy would never lie to me. Or would they? 

They continued to state their case and were successful in their convincing. 

I opened the toothpaste, squeezed some onto my palms and began to rub it into my bright red legs. 

1.5 seconds later the burning sensation began. 

Kathy and Nancy disappeared and Rick, Mark and I were left. They were laughing and laughing hard. 

I was in pain and ran to the bathroom to wash off my legs under the spickets. 

Amazingly enough, after the initial shock and burning subsided, I felt better. The toothpaste incident has been told many times. By my friends Rick & Mark and also by me. It was hilarious.

These people are still part of my life, all these years later. Through some of the hardest times they saw me, loved me, sheltered me and helped me to look at the lighter side of life. Growing up is hard. 

Add a fractured family life full of the things good Christian families just don’t talk about and growing up becomes a nightmare. 

I don’t know where I would be without Mr. & Mrs. Layton, Mr. & Mrs. Tracy, Mark, Kathy Rick & Nancy. God put these people in my life when I needed them. Jesus with skin on. 

And then he gave me friends, I’ve known them for a lifetime. Although the four of us are planted in different states now, we plan “reunions” as often as possible and fly to wherever seems like a good place to meet up. 

And as Amy Grant and Michael W Smith would say, 

“A lifetimes not too long, to live as friends”

Friends forever – forever friends. 

And I am so thankful. 

“I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all. “

Philippians 1: 3&4

“For I know the plans I have for you, ‘declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.”

Jeremiah 29:11